Goodbye my old Friends

Published January 1, 2018 by paulandpaulasbooks

The year 2017, in our household alone, death has hovered as in the tale of Job, picking, and choosing, wanting five but settling for…

2017 will be remembered as a year of profound losses

In January death took a younger brother in law as he slept: in February a friend as close as family; in March death visited our household but they were at a hotel enjoying a weekend jaunt – death persisted and took Nana as people were awakening.  In April, death said I am not done and took away my love. In May death said I know you are heartbroken, aged Dalmatian, so to Shadow, he beckoned and took him to his master.  

Oh, one more or maybe two, but for now it is June and the bunny named Brownie is found peacefully in eternal sleep with morning rays illuminating the body, gender unknown but cherished and mourned.

On the morning of June 23, my youngest daughter in law awakens my son to tell him, “Take me to the  hospital.”  She either has a massive acid reflux or a heart attack.  After tests at the local hospital, she is transferred to a larger facility with a cardiac wing.  Three of her arteries are plugged and she is scheduled for heart surgery.  She is too ill to have more than one, although she needs three, she has the widowmaker stent put in.  

While in the hospital she decides stress of the year’s woes may be a contributing factor, her health and eating habits need and will immediately undergo a change.  She once was a pre but now being diagnosed with a full type II diabetes she is put on medication including shots of insulin. She re-evaluates her life and makes changes ensuring she will be welcoming in 2018 on this earthly plain.

In November, on Thanksgiving day, a niece in her early thirties, a mother of three, never makes it to her mother’s table to celebrate. On the road to a small village in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, on a curve, she hits black ice and spins off into a telephone pole. Had it been the surrounding trees she might be in a painful recovery, but the unbending pole snapped, flipped the car and pinned her as her butterfly spirit soared back to be accepted from whence she came.

In my late thirties I had a massive but unconventional stroke accompanied by an NDE, that is, caught in the net of the death of the body, yet released because the lifeline laid out before is not yet accomplished. I was one of the lucky or unlucky ones, depending upon how you look upon life on earth. When I reached the portal of returning home, I was not allowed even though I wanted to stay, to not return to my earthly body weight; but, once again returned, I learned to appreciate that gift and mold the wasted years into a tapestry of thanksgiving and love.

As I look to 2018 heart aching as I now walk alone, the awe and the thanksgivings and even the love that has gone on, the love in my heart accompanies me as I stutter, even at times shudder, knowing my life’s task is not yet complete.

2018 has more lessons and more joy awaiting.


 fire works 2 Angelique Duso

photo by Angelique Duso

4 comments on “Goodbye my old Friends

    • Yes, or I need to learn to roll with the punches. Always good to see a friend on this side and a site to revisit as a year of mourning is closing. I hope to be less fragile – not a word that has ever been used for me but unfortunately is now apt.

  • Yes, Paula, 2017 (and 2016 for that matter) have been tough on this family. Praying for God’s strength, comfort, and peace to lead you into a more joy-filled 2018. Love you cuz!

    P.S. For some reason, websites like yours won’t allow me to enter my website in the form provided below. It’s

  • Never fear – my site is set on that I must approve the comments. I’ve done that because I find I get a lot of spam – much less since I locked the door to auto comments. Your wonderful site link is featured now that I approved your comment. I know it’s been more than just 2017. It was difficult trying to wrap my head around the deaths for the past two+ years. While I was fighting for a life, others were falling around me. God bless you for your strength and comfort.

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